International Envelopment
What's happening at the Department or International Development? Shhh. Nothing. According to one of my moles, there are more gagging orders at DfID than at a Max Mosley party. Everyone knows the Department has some of the finest young political brains this side of Washington. That hasn't stopped sarcastic, horse-faced Head of Press - Judy 'Vinegar Tits' Molloy - from circulating this memo to senior staff, warning them to keep minister Simon Foster on a short rope. Pint-sized Foster's blunder on the radio about an 'unforeseeable' war may yet cost him dear. Who knows? What we DO know is that Judy Molloy is a stuck-up, sneering, supercilious cow who looks like she's one blood transfusion away from being a horror-movie phantom, according to my mole. FROM: JUDY MOLLOYTO : DFID Senior Staff SUBJECT : Housekeeping Note. You will all be aware of the minister's recent media emission. As a result there has been quite a dramatic climate change. We must now strive to reduce his carbon footprint. This will means using him less, and making sure he's properly filtered. Under no circumstances should the minister be allowed to 'freestyle' any more of his 'thoughts'. Senior staff should make sure he is switched ON during briefings and OFF at all other times. Please do not leave him on STANDBY. He is incredibly vain, and may accidentally turn himself ON again. Re: press queries. 1. His school nickname was NOT 'Oompah Loompah'. 2. As far as we're aware the minister moisturises his face and hands ONLY. JM |
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